Exhausted...

Hey everyone! I must apologize for breaking my promise to write a blog every night. I have been so exhausted lately and I think that's partially do from my insane schedule and because I haven't been exercising. I have been so busy lately with school & work it's not even funny. I've been going to bed between 9pm-11pm. Usually by 10 I'm laying down and about to fall into a dead sleep. I love it, I mean my classes are great, I started observing today in Hillside, and work, well I wanted 30 hours! It's just tough.... and by not exercising it's not exactly helping me. I know that if I find the time to exercise I'll feel 10x better and alot more energized.... so tomorrow morning when my alarm goes off at 6am let's hope that I wake up!!!!

Besides that I realized yesterday that the reason why I've been feeling like crap is because I was eating alot of cheese and didn't even really pay any mind! I'm lactose intolerant so eating alot of cheese hurts my stomach. I felt nauseous and stuff but today I ate better.  Lunch is so hard for me.... right now I'm bring cheese, pepperoni and crackers for lunch.... i'm just so damn picky when it comes to that meal!!!! 


But anyway, I will try my best to keep motivated, to post daily blogs, exercise and eat smart. Before I end tonight's blog (which I know is somewhat boring tonight... sorry guys!) I just wanna say congrats to my friend, Ashley who joined me on this journey.... she lost 3 pounds last week!!!! I didn't weigh in on Friday but I have to stop denying it. The number won't lie and I just gotta suck it up and look at it.... hopefully I lost weight because I don't want to let anybody down.... especially myself. =/


Sweet Dreams. 

9/24/10

So I'm exhausted and I have to be up early tomorrow but like I said I'm going to write what I eat everyday in this blog.....
Breakfast- 3 eggs (1 whole egg, 2 egg whites) with 1 slice of fat free American cheese and 2 turkey sausage links w/ a bottle of water.
Lunch- whole wheat wrap with honey mustard, chicken and provolone cheese & tortilla chips (bought this at the caf at school) w/ a diet dr. pepper (I wanted green tea but they were all out!!) and a bottle of water.
Snack- Java Chip Frap w/ skim milk (I wanted to try the new Starbuck's on campus.... totally NOT work the calories!!!)
Dinner- muscle maker grill!!! I had a whole wheat wrap with grilled chicken, low fat cheeses, bbq sauce, low-fat balsamic vinagarette potato salad (I only ate half!) with a bottle of water.
Goodnight!

High School...

The other day I was talking to my old friend from high school Ashley. She was talking about also making a blog, weighing in on Fridays and going on this journey as well. It's so great when my friends comment me and not only encourage me but also find the courage to start this healthy lifestyle with me! It makes me feel really great that people take the time to read what I write. It really does help me with this struggle. Alot of people don't understand how hard it is to lose weight. Especially with fast food being all around, and with my busy schedule it doesn't help either.


This blog entry is dedicated to Ashley for motivating me again. Not that I haven't been motivated, but lately I've been slacking and my stomach (not my head) got the best of me!! I cannot wait to look the way I did when I graduated high school. I want to lose MORE than what I weighed then, but getting to that point again will be phenomenal. 


Since I have been slacking, I need to be more focused and be more strick with myself. I need someone on top of me all the time to help me... I know that's sad right?! But honestly, it's the truth!! I am the little kid in the candy store!! So, I will be posting a new blog everyday and I will be writing what I eat during the day in the blog. EVERYTHING. Even if I cheat, I will be writing it, but hopefully since everybody will be reading it, that will pressure me not to cheat since I don't want to look like a fat ass!! Also, I will be going to the gym at least 5 days a week!

This is my schedule.... Monday - Friday I will go to the gym no matter what. I don't care if I'm at my mother's house in south jersey until 9pm on Monday night, OH WELL!!! I will be going to the gym!!! If I don't physically go to the gym, I plan on doing some sort of physical activity during the day, but one that will actually make me burn calories. 


Not only am I proving society wrong, but I have to prove myself wrong! I need to do this for myself. I NEED to keep focused. By next spring, I wanna look hot.... and feel great about myself!! I did it once, and I can do it again. I guess it all comes down to, how bad do I want it??


xOxO

Let's be serious!!

So today I start being serious again. I slacked off for a little bit but I'm back on track. Right now I am at school sitting in the cafe.... I would love to have some cheese fries right about now but I'm holding back... plus I'm broke! I have my lunch packed, and for lunch I'm going to have an egg salad sandwich. Ever since I talked to John about lunch ideas and I have been dying to have an egg salad sandwich lol. After school at 9pm Eddie and I will be driving to Bayonne to go to the gym, then home to have a turkey burger or something healthy for dinner. I'm not fucking up this week. 
I really need all the motivation I can get right now. I need to be pushed!! I just have to keep thinking about the little things and keep my goals in mind. By Christmas, I want to be at least 40 pounds down. I wanna prove everyone wrong, everyone who said I couldn't do it. I want all those people to kiss my ass when I lose this weight. I'm so ready for the future and I can't wait to reach my goal. For now though, my goal is to lose 10 pounds in TOTAL by next Friday/Saturday. I want to lose 10-20 pounds by October.... that would make me extremely happy. I'm so excited and I can't wait. I was so confident when I lost weight when I was a senior in HS that I shocked myself. I can't wait to hit this goal and don't doubt me, cuz I will. It will take a while, but I'm gonna look better than I do now and this will change my life, because I will have a healthy lifestyle. By then, I will be exercising regular and eating healthy proportioned meals. I'm so pumped right now!!!


For everyone who is trying to lose weight and gain a healthy lifestyle.... keep your head up and keep focused you all can do it!!! Like I said in my first blog, whether it's 10 more pounds or 100 pounds.... it CAN happen.... just do it. You'll be happier than you are now :)

Day.... IDK!

Okay so I've lost track of what day I am on this diet.... it's somewhere in the 3 week mark and I haven't been doing too great lately! I'm not going to lie.... I really need to get tough on myself and be serious. I WANT this but I've been doing bad, and I'm not going to make excuses.... No! Instead I'm going to go hard.... go hard in the gym.... go hard when preparing my meals. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not the only person going through this. I have to keep focused!!!!

School just started on Thursday, work is stressing me out since I have no hours, and I'm getting calls every 10 minutes from my past-due bills. Honestly, I'm kind of stressed out. This is NOT an excuse and in no way am I making this an excuse but when I am stressed I could care less about anything else and I eat. I don't know if that's totally it but I know I haven't been pushing myself. No matter how tired I am, not matter what I'm doing that day I should be exercising and I should be drinking my 4 water bottles and I should be eating HEALTHY!!! 

I just messaged John because I needed help trying to create fun, healthy but tasty lunch ideas. I used to LOVE lunch and hate breakfast and now its the complete opposite. Idk why but lately I have been getting disgusted by foods like meats and I think about it and then I can't eat it. I hate that! But the whining and complaining stops here! I don't care how "fat" I look, or how "dorky" I look..... I will be bringing my big Giants lunch bag with me to school. I  will pack 2 ice packs, some water bottles, sandwiches, salad, snacks whatever I need to have so that I won't cheat but I'll be eating healthy at the same time!

Okay, I could go on and on all night but honestly, I'm exhausted. 13 hours at Kean kicked my ass today lol.... but I promise I will write more often..... not only for people to read but for me to stay focused. I mean the point of writing this blog was for me to think about my weight loss journey everyday or every other day so that I would stay motivated and obviously it helps! So TaTa for now, but not for long :)

PeAcE & lOvE <3

Day 12

I know, I know!! It's been 5 days since I last wrote!!! I had a long weekend.... last week was great though. I lost 6 pounds for my first week!!! I am so happy and so proud of myself... I never thought I would lose that much in the first week!! I don't really feel like I've lost 6 pounds but it'll be great when I can actually start seeing results. I won't lie though, by Saturday I was craving everything and I ate bad this weekend. But today is Monday and I started up the workout routine again and I feel great and even more motivated. 


Even though I'm motivated to workout, so far this week sucks!!! I'm about to get my period which means I want to eat everythingggg!!! Yesterday I was craving honey bbq boneless wings from Applebee's. Today I want jalepeno bites from Arby's.... this is so bad!! I cannot wait until these cravings go away.... the more I workout and the better I eat, I'll start to crave the good foods and no more of the bad foods. I wish that day was here, but I just have to keep focused.

Anyway though, yes so this week already sucks!!! I'm annoyed because I have hardly any days at work next week, 3 months behind on my bills, I'm trying to have someone take over the payments on my car, I have a hold on my account at school and my fuckin financial aid counselor hasn't gotten back to me, meanwhile school starts next week! UGH!!! I'm so stressed which isn't good for my diet =/ I just have to stay focused and constantly remind myself why I am doing this!!!

Today I treated Eddie and myself since it's our 2 years and 9 months today!! We went to Ihop for breakfast. We never go out for breakfast and all weekend that's all I wanted to do. I ate pretty healthy except for the pancakes lol.... I had eggs w/ cheese, hash browns, 2 turkey bacon slices and CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! omg they are to die for!! haha but then I worked my ass off at the gym, and I am except to go tomorrow morning, come back to a healthy breakfast. Tonight Eddie and I made turkey burgers with the steamable brocolli and cheese on the side. OMG IT IS SO GOOD!!! Actually, I might even crave that brocolli, because I can't wait to make tomorrow's dinner! We just went food shopping, what can I say... I love food!

I think tomorrow I might take cole slaw (in the bag) with some grilled chicken and raspberry vinagarette dressing to work. Sounds delicious if you ask me. I'm hoping to lost at least 4 pounds this week. I will check on Friday morning. But yeah, I want to make a total of at least 10 pounds lost. THAT will reallly get my butt into gear and motivate me twice as much. 10 pounds.... that's awesome if I could lose that this week. I might not even do the bike this week, I might just do the elyptical all week. I just have to think this way when I wake up at 4am.... that could be hard lol. 


I have to keep telling myself that this is good not only for my health but for me. I want this! I want to look good, feel good and love my body. I cannot wait until next summer. I want to actually look forward to summer. I want to go to the beach and go on vacation and love it and not dread bathing suit shopping. Time for me to look BETTER than I did 4 years ago. 


I will end this on a positive note. I am excited that fall is here, and school is starting. I cannot wait to see how I will look for our 3 year anniversary, and Christmas and even next Spring Break. By then, Eddie will have already reached his goal, and I will be more than half way there! I can't wait to see the results!! Goodnight!!

(By the way, this is gonna suck!! I think I'm getting a cold.... I've been sneezing non-stop all day. This is gonna be so attractive... I already huff and puff while doing cardio.. now it's gonna be 10x worse if I'm sick! Oh well, I'll just have to sniffle and suck it up!!! Lol!)

Day 7

Wow!! I can't believe I've been sticking to this for a week already... I feel like it's been longer!! haha! Yesterday I did back and biceps in the gym and my back hurts from it!! Hopefully thats a good thing lol. Today I did legs, and I used a bunch of different machines. Then I did the bike. But unlike Monday, I set it to the 1st level of the fitness program so it gave it a little bit of an incline... I was sweating, not pouring like the elyptical, but I did a steady pace and was sweating when I finished. When I walked out of the gym today I was stinky, I won't even lie!! lmao! 


As for the diet, I have been doing pretty good... Today however, I was running late this morning and we stopped and got McDonald's breakfast which I STILL regret!!! It totally wasn't worth it! One thing though is that their breakfast is small and expensive.... usually I'm still hungry so I would want another hash brown but I just delt with the meal I got which was sausage egg and cheese on an english muffin meal. I will make up for this mistake in the gym tomorrow. No worries! John always says that having it isn't gonna kill me, which is true, because I believe in having ONE cheat meal a week. However, I want to get myself in the habit of not cheating except for that one meal. I just have to get used to not going out to eat more than once a week.... because I'm so used to going out and eating crappy food, which is horrible!!!

I wish I had my own apartment again because I used to LOVE cooking!!! It's so hard here for different reasons and I wish I had my own place my own stove my own oven so that I can play around and make delicious healthy meals. I don't want to get bored with my diet and I want to love it, but once I get sick of the food it's gonna be hard that's why I wish I had my own place so I can cook how I want to. For now I have to deal with it... hopefully soon this will change tho. Time will tell.


Okay, I have to get this off my chest!!! Right now I feel hungry. I don't know if I'm actually hungry which can be true because I haven't eaten in a few hours, or if it's because I'm thinking and craving food. I could really go for a plain slice of pizza from Benny Tudino's. Their slices are AMAZING!!! They are HUGE too! Two slices fits perfectly in a pizza box.... you need two paper plates to hold the slice.... literally. It's deliciouso and I wish I could have a piece right now... even writing and thinking about it is killing me because normally I'd say come on Eddie let's go get something to eat, but today I did enough damage, and I need to be strong and pull it together and when it's time for my cheat meal I can have a slice. I wonder how many calories a slice of their pizza is.... prolly over 1000. I'd have to work out for like 5 hours on a constant speed to burn that shit off!!! That's like 5 days at the gym lol that's bad but I love it!!


Anyway, I'm gonna go take a shower and go to bed because it's 8:23pm and I need to wake up at 4:00 am to go to the gym. Peace & Love!

Day 5

So today made day 5 of my journey! I'm still new at this and I will be for like the first month, but I swear I feel a difference and I feel it getting easier and more of a habit each day I stick with it. Today I didn't go to the gym in the morning because I had work at 8am and was EXHAUSTED! I wish I did though because I really LOVE working out in the morning, as much as a dread waking up, it makes me feel amazing all day. So fresh and energized, idk I can't explain it lol. So Eddie and I went to the gym after work, which was still good but it wasn't a GREAT day. Today was chest and triceps... and let me tell you my triceps felt like I lifted a body builder lol they felt so good afterwards... like a good kind of sore, like I knew that I worked that out. Instead of doing the elyptical, today was my bike day. Usually, I would be like yeah I love the bike and you know why? Because I barely work out and I don't sweat!! But today I hated it because of that same reason.... when I leave the gym now I WANT to be sweaty; I want to feel that I just had an awesome workout. Mon, Wed, Fri are my bike days and when Wednesday comes around I have to step it up and increase it as if I were biking up a hill, so that's where I went wrong today. But again, I'm not like mad at myself or disappointed because after the gym I could of went to Wendy's and got chicken nuggets... actually I was really hungry so Eddie and I went to Applebee's and got water with lemon and a grilled chicken wrap with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce a whole bunch of good stuff and instead of fries we ordered a baked potato. 

I know that I'm serious this time because I went to Applebee's and ordered a baked potato? That's so not me, I would have loved to dig into those ketchup-y french fries lol but I dug into a baked potato instead. The good thing about myself is that I love food, healthy and bad foods but I just loved bad foods like french fries more. However, it's not like I don't LOVE good foods, because I could eat a sweet potato everyday, grilled chicken and veggies.... so at least that part isn't too much of a struggle. I just have to try new foods and new recipes so that I don't get bored. Right now my favorite thing is Jenn-O turkey burgers and the steamable frozen bags of veggies. sooooo yummy!

On another note, I feel like I'm becoming more open about this diet. I am starting to be more confident and I don't care about my belly and how I look at the gym or anywhere honestly. When I lose the weight I'll be even cuter than I am now haha ;) I can't wait to have the confidence I did back when I lost 40 pounds in high school and I won't lie I did look good! I can't wait to go clothes shopping and try on bathing suits next summer.... goodbye 1 pieces hello bikinis... well maybe not bikinis but tankinis!! maybe i'll get one of those full piece bathing suits that has the cut out sides... those are hot!! I can't wait to finally get the clothes I've been dying to wear! I'm gonna change to a new me... I'll always be the same person but I'm just gonna be healthy and happier. I've even been pampering myself and doing more things for me lately. I've been going to bed when I'm tired so that I have enough sleep, putting makeup on, talking to old friends, I got a haircut (that I've been meaning to get for months now!), and I even got my first bikini wax! I feel like a different woman than I was last week. Last week this was all a dream... actually being motivated, actually doing it... and now I'm living it. It feels great, and I haven't even seen results yet. I wonder how I'm gonna sound when I actually lost 20 pounds? Guess we'll have to wait and see...

Peace & Love!

Day 3

Hey everyone!! Today is day 3 of my diet!! Today and tomorrow are my "rest" days... which basically means I take a break from the gym and let my body rest but I still eat right and drink lots of water. I decided that I am going to have my weigh-in day be on Friday mornings, so I will update you on my loss on Friday. I didn't weigh in when I started this diet but I know a round about number that I weighed when I started so at least I have something to work with. Today wasn't that great of a day for me. I was happy that I was able to sleep in a little longer, but I definitely should have eaten more than what I did, because then for dinner I went to Friday's. Again, now I know and this is all apart of the learning process. Tomorrow and the rest of the days that I have work, I will bring a protein shake with me in case I get hungry. I am trying so hard to stick to this and I honestly cannot believe how MOTIVATED I am to stick with it. I don't know where I got all this positive energy from but I love it!! LOL! Ashley's boyfriend John texts me almost everyday to check up on me and see how I am doing and honestly it is SOOO helpful!! It's like even though they live like 5 hours away, that constant reinforcer, that constant reminder helps me to keep pushing forward. Eddie and I cannot wait until Monday to start going back to the gym. I start my full workout plan this week and I'm excited to see my progress on Friday (hopefully the hard work is all worth it, which I know it will be!)

 Last night, Eddie and I went to Muscle Maker Grill.... for those of you who have never went there.... you MUST go! It's deliciouso!!! They have dinner entrees, salads, wraps everything. We usually get a wrap and then instead of fries you can choose from things like brocolli, caesar side salad, rice and beans, brown rice.... and the wraps are amazing. It's like grilled chicken, turkey bacon, turkey meatballs, if it has cheese it's low-fat cheese, and if it's sour cream it's fat-free sour cream. Whoever created that place is a GENIUS!! 

It's funny though because I am so NOT a morning person, and I'm so not a work-out person. I want to get myself in the habit to be both because I really want to be able to get up at 8 or 9am and be fine and get up and go to the gym without forcing myself. I know it's hard at first but I want to just do it and start to LOVE working out. It's just that I get so bored easily so I will have to keep changing my routine sooner or later. First things first though... get myself used to a workout, see results, and then switch it up like John said so that my body doesn't get used to it and plateau. 

I can't believe how many people actually read my first blog and commented me or talked to me personally about it. It's wonderful.... even people I didn't think would read it did, which makes me so happy. It's not the point of reading my blog... it's like in a way I have your support and I don't want to let you down now. I am trying to be so serious about this and I want this change so bad, that I feel that if I tell more people about what I'm trying to do I won't want to cheat or miss a day at the gym and I won't want to give up so easily, because then I'd have to answer to you and write that I'm giving up in this blog. I know that tons of people are going through the same struggle I am, so hopefully even if your goal isn't to lose 100 pounds and you only want to lose 30, maybe you'll find the motivation that I have and start to reach your goals too! :)

Something that really "grinds my gears" (I had to say that lol) is that gym memberships everywhere not just Hoboken are like $100 a month but yet there's fast food or junk food places on every other corner!!! It pisses me off so much!! It like makes it impossible for anybody to lose weight. I joined Planet Fitness, which isn't any luxurious gym but it's not bad either and I'm only paying $10 a month!!! It just sickens me that on my way to the gym I pass a million fast food places... here I'll go down the list... White Castle, Dunkin Donuts, McDonald's (2 of them!), Burger King, Wendy's (2 of them!), and they are building a Sonic. Honestly, I would love to stop in the morning for breakfast at McDonald's or an iced carmel swirl iced latte from dunkin donuts but I can't!!!! After my workout I don't care because I just wanna go home and make eggs but just the fact that the temptation is there sucks. If you haven't noticed I'm a fast food junkie lol... but not anymore!!

Anyway, I wrote enough to bore all of you for tonight so I'm going to go to bed since I have been working for 5 days and will not have a day off for another 6 days.... Thank you everyone for reading and showing me your support for my journey... I really do appreciate it. If anybody has any comments or suggestions for me about my diet, comment or message me! I'd love to hear it!! :) 

xoxo Melanie

PS.  The picture on the top right is of me when I first lost weight.... this pic is taken in my 1st year in college.... and this is what I am striving to look like again by Christmas (hopefully.... cross your fingers!)

Day 1

So today was my first official day starting this new diet. I don't want to call it a diet because diet's never work, well for me they don't! I'm calling it a lifestyle change, because that's what it really is. I never want to be the size that I am again and I am so committed and motivated to reaching this goal. My boyfriend, Eddie, is always on this journey with me. Even though we have slightly different goals (I want to lose ALOT of weight and tone, whereas he wants to lose some weight but gain muscle), we are in this together. My friend Ashley's boyfriend John was nice enough to talk to me on the phone the other night and give me this whole workout regime that I can use in the gym. He literally gave me step-by-step instructions of what machines to use and for how long. He is awesome. John is 150% motivating. Plus, I can text him at anytime and ask for help or advice. I have alot of support and motivation and I am ready to start my NEW life. I love the person I am, I just don't necessarily like what I look like, so it's time for me to change.

Last night Eddie and I joined Planet Fitness in Bayonne for the 2nd time. I am actually really excited and look forward to going to the gym. I know it's alot of hard work and I kill myself when I'm there but today I felt so good afterwards. I just gotta keep thinking to myself, this is as tough as it's gonna get.... it will only get easier from here. I want to get in the habit of going so that I don't have a choice. I LOVE going to the gym in the morning, which is funny since I'm not really a morning person. This morning I was exhausted! And this is a big reason why I need Eddie's motivation as well; because this morning if it wasn't for him getting up I know I wouldn't have. I'm just going to push myself to do this, because I WANT and HAVE to for my health. This time next summer, I will be on vacation on some tropical island and I want to wear a bikini and look HOT!!!

Anyways, this morning we went to the gym and there was hardly anybody there (which I loved because I don't want everyone seeing me sweaty and out of breathe lol). We were there for about 1 1/2 hours at most. I was in a rush this morning because I had work at 11, but now I know to go to bed earlier, I mean it was my first day! I did the shoulder machines John told me to do and then I did about 30 minutes of cardio on the elyptical/stepper machine. I don't know what it's called but that's my term because it seriously is amazing and it kicks my ass when I do it. I come off that machine sweaty, stinky and I look like a red apple when I leave the gym lol. 

As for my meals, I ate pretty good today too. I ate half a granola bar after the gym because I was STARVING. Then I ate 3 scrambled egg whites and 2 slices of dry whole wheat toast. At work I had half a banana (I should have had more but again now I know) and for dinner I had a turkey burger on whole wheat (with ketchup!) and brown rice. I had 64 ounces of water today as well!

Now I am exhausted and I plan on waking up at 8am tomorrow to go to the gym before work at 2 and this time I'll take my time! I'll do the 45 minutes on the cardio machines and maybe abs I'll do tomorrow. I can't wait for Monday to be here because then my first full week of the gym starts! By the way did I mention this gym is open 24 hours Mon-Fri? It's awesome! I love it! (Btw, I don't think I've ever been this enthusiastic about working out lol! I told ya I'm motivated!)

Just as John told me.... I just have to keep in mind of my goals. The first few weeks is gonna be the hardest because I haven't seen results yet, so keeping my goals in mind and even writing them down so I can refer to them is the best thing to do. What is my ultimate goal? My personal goal is to be half of my weight now. It will take time, but I know I can do it. It would be nice to be a little bit less than that, but I will be happy just hitting that goal. As for minor goals... by the time Christmas is here, I want to be down about 60-80 pounds. I know it's alot to strive for but I would be so happy. All I can do is work hard and stay focused. As for now, I am going to get a good night's sleep and get up early tomorrow for my workout. Goodnight bloggers :)